why

Came across someone's blog today asking people why they are creative. I tried to think it over myself, and truthfully, it hurts the old head to do so, but nonetheless, I can feel that it might sometimes be good to dig these things over, y'know, once in a way. I think the nature of my creativity changes from one week to the next- and sometimes it's completely dormant and I just want to hang out eating chips and shooting monsters on the ol' Xbox. But I still keep making these choices that mean I substitute money for doing what I love, and substitute some sorts of success for others. I'd like to see the rewards as an artist, and I suppose I have to retune myself to them to feel them when they do come my way. But right now, I feel poor and unappreciated. I've got the core of a couple of very good books in the background at the moment, but quite how to approach them isn't coming to me just now. It's not so bad as feeling actually blocked, or whatever, but I can't find my way into the things I want to do. Also, I've been doing so much in the way of reading and thinking about research for the last few months that my head isn't where it should be in regard to some of these things. I should go away and draw for a week. But we both know I'll do no such thing.